Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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