brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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