My sheets look like a crime scene.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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