Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
