We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
