I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
