For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
