Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Randomize