I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize