well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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