I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
