allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
