anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
