why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize