Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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