I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
BRING THE BAGELS
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
