There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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