Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
sarcasm needs its own font
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
