if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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