Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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