I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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