I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
