took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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