I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize