Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
