Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Girls should come with a carfax report
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize