Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
