i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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