i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
