whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize