Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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