apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
