I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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