just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
