do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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