mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
you never un-have a 4some
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
