Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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