Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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