I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
