and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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