I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
