he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Pooping to opera.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
