I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
