i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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