she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
