some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
