I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
