I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
