she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
