I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
pray to the hookup gods
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
