i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
