We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Never underestimate the power of titties
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
