The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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