We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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