I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
