life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize