WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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