then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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