I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
