life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I checked into jail on foursquare
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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