I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
