lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
