Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
