Please, let me fuck your mom
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
