Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
