so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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