If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
