shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
