i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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