i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
