i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
