did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
